On The Brink
by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap
Summary: Albus Potter is on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:** **On The Brink (of a Nervous Breakdown)**

Albus Potter wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and hibernate for the better part of winter or rather the rest of his life.

"Albus—"

"Albus—"

"Albus—"

His office was buzzing with an endless stream of people. He groaned and rubbed his temples as another rushed in. One person would come in, another person would come out with contract after contract. Working for the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee tended to be a tedious job. It was rare that something actually happened. As the holiday season approached it seemed the magical community was losing all sense of secrecy and was performing magic whenever they damn well pleased.

For the most part it was innocent. They'd pop up out of thin air and frighten a Muggle. His department never dealt with anything too serious. The extreme cases were above his pay grade and if he had a say in it, it would stay that way forever.

"Albus, I need your signature—"

"Albus, another pop up in—"

"What do you want to do about the baby dragon—"

"I need a statement for—"

Albus sighed tiredly. He sat slumped in his chair as he dealt with one person after the other. He was genuinely looking forward to his lunch break today. The one-hour would allow him to recharge. He could shut his door with magic and breathe.

He had to force himself to stop from rolling his green eyes as a man dropped a stack of files on his desk. He had just finished organizing said desk and now he couldn't remember what color the finish was anymore thanks to all the damn parchment.

Merlin, they all looked the same. They were all nameless. Albus didn't care to make connections at work or know anyone's back-story. Most of them didn't last long anyway. They wanted a higher role in the Ministry. They wanted hustle and bustle. They looked forward to normal human interaction while Albus stayed holed up in his office day after day trying to permanently glue himself to his chair.

"Potter! I need your signature—"

"Albus—"

" _Albus Potter_ —"

The desperation in their voices made Albus squirm in his chair. He didn't bother asking what he was signing. Mechanically, he reached for his blue feathered quill and scribbled his name barely able to finish writing the 'R' in 'Potter' as someone else handed him something to sign.

" _ALBUS! Another—"_

Albus scowled. If only his parents could have picked out a more appealing name for him. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have minded hearing people shout it at the top of their lungs all day. He hated his name. Hell, he hated his job and his sad excuse for a life. He always thought about disappearing but he would have to go to the ends of the Earth so he wouldn't be found. Everywhere he went people knew who he was. His messy dark hair, vibrant green eyes and lanky stature screamed Potter. No matter how hard he tried to fold into himself and act nonchalant and unassuming it didn't work.

The Wizardrazzi was always tailing him. It didn't help that some people mixed him and his father up and called him Harry. Though it was becoming less and less common as his father was now starting to go grey.

" _Albus, I need—"_

" _Albus—"_

" _Albus—"_

His back tensed as more people entered his office and his head was starting to pound. He could only take so much on a day-to-day basis. A man, a woman, three women, two men…a…was that an elk? He shook his head and rubbed his eyes with his fist. He fiddled with his horn rimmed spectacles that were sliding down the bridge of his sweaty nose and nodded halfheartedly at brunettes, blondes, red heads and since when did he employ someone with pink hair? He blinked again, eyes aching, and shoved an angry hand through his hair.

Albus loosened his black tie that was hanging stiffly around his neck as more people filed into his office. The room fit about ten comfortably but there had to be about twenty people vying for his signature. He felt like he was suffocating. He removed his spectacles, hands staring to shake, a sure sign he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

"OUT!" he shouted hoarsely. "GET OUT! Everyone out _now_!" He slammed his fist against a pile of parchment to get his point across.

Everyone stopped moving abruptly. The woman closest to him with a blonde bob had a sour look on her face as she held out a thick booklet. She dropped it on his desk, narrowly missing his fingertips, and promptly walked out with the rest of her colleagues.

He hadn't meant to sound so harsh. The last thing he wanted was word to get out to the higher levels of the Ministry that Albus Potter had a temper problem. He really wasn't in the mood to have a visit or hear a lecture from his father about controlling his anger.

Soles squeaked and heels tapped the wooden floor as people quickly shuffled out of his office. As the door shut, a small smile appeared on his thin lips as he sat back in his leather chair ready to try and relax.

"Albus?"

A soft knock at the door followed by a shaking voice, a brown haired woman poked her head into his office nervously. He narrowed his eyes and stared at her in the doorway, waving her in. Thankfully, she closed the door behind her before anyone else could follow. She nervously paused at the door, twiddling her thumbs, and then walked towards his desk, taking a seat across from him in a brown leather chair.

Albus wasn't a looming figure. He didn't scare anyone. Even though he tried to appear as antisocial as possible when he did venture out of his office old women tended to seek him out. He was their shoulder to cry on. He let them do it willingly most days, not because he cared, no, because it was the only way he was going to make a connection with a woman.

Even though more often than not they were weeping over the death of their spouse.

"Piper," he said, acknowledging the woman sitting before him. "What is it?"

She smiled tightly at him, which only irritated him further. Piper Meadows, his assistant, never brought him any good news. The last time she came into his office…well, he didn't want to think about that.

He rubbed his temples with his fingers and sighed, "Just tell me."

Piper bit her bottom lip and locked her eyes with Albus. She always tried to soften the blow as much as she could. She took a deep breath from her chair, trying to prolong the conversation they were about to have. Her job had many perks, bonuses, benefits, and paid vacations but giving Albus bad news was not one of them.

For the past year it seemed to be happening on a frequent basis.

She crossed her legs but turned pink and quickly uncrossed them, the hem of her blue dress sliding up her thighs, revealing too much skin for her liking. Piper quietly tugged at her dress and then readied herself for the evidential blow-up.

"Well," she began quickly, "it's almost Christmas and—"

Albus scoffed. "The holiday isn't for another month." She had better not been trying to ask for a raise. Hell, she was lucky to get a Christmas bonus this year. Albus didn't feel much in the giving mood.

Piper furrowed her brows and then pinched the bridge of her freckled nose. She had to do it. She _had_ too. It was her job after all. Yet after three years she liked to think of herself as more than his assistant but his friend. Though Albus had a track record of treating his friends like crap.

"Your Mum, she sent you a letter—"

He cut her off again with growing agitation. "Well, what did it say?"

Albus tapped his fingers on a piece of parchment impatiently and then abruptly stopped, rummaging through his desk for a blank piece to write on and then grabbed his blue feathery quill. He was ready to scratch down some of his generic pleasantries to his parents.

"The usual?" He licked his top lip and squinted, mind racing with what to write down.

 _Dear Mum and Dad,_

 _I'm doing well. Tell Gran to stop sending me food in the post. I'm eating. I've finally gotten my flat furnished. Work has been keeping me relatively busy. I'll see you at Christmas._

 _Albus_

It was short. It was sweet. It didn't give too much info into his life. His mother was always prying for more information.

Piper shook her head, brown curls bouncing dangerously around her face. If he would just open up his own mail she wouldn't have to go through this in the first place.

"Spit it out then," he demanded. "I haven't got all day."

Piper tutted and said, "She wants you to bring your girlfriend with you for Christmas and it isn't a suggestion." She reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a crumpled letter that had clearly been reread and folded over several times. "It's a _command_."

Albus reached over and snatched the letter from her hands. He ripped it open and quickly scanned the words, his face turning a deathly shade of white.

"No," he said, hands shaking. "No."

Piper grimaced. "It isn't as bad as it seems. Just think about it. Maybe, maybe this year you tell them the truth."

"No," he repeated. "Why does she— _no_."

He was starting to hyperventilate. At the sign of his distress, Piper threw herself into crisis mode.

"Albus, I can floo to Cecilia right now. I'm sure we can schedule something," she said, the wheels in her head turning trying to form a plan. The look of agony on his face made her feel queasy as she tugged at a bouncy curl of hair. "It shouldn't cost too much."

Albus gaped at her. "Have you gone mad? They'll know right away. My father is an Auror and so are a slew of other people in my family. They're not as daft as the media. They'll know the moment she walks through the door."

Piper couldn't disagree. Cecilia was a great woman to have on his shoulder to get the Wizardrazzi to leave him alone about his love life. Yet she wouldn't last more than ten minutes under the calculating eye of Ginny and Harry Potter as his fake girlfriend. Affection wasn't Albus's strong suit but it wasn't Cecilia's either. It also didn't help that his girlfriend-for-hire, who was really a mutual friend of theirs, was a lesbian.

"Here's an idea," she said as confidently as she could, "maybe it's time we tell them the truth. The woman that you've been linked too for years isn't actually your girlfriend. She's a friend. We don't have to go into too much detail."

Albus rolled his eyes. "I've been telling them we've been together for two years."

"They haven't met her once," she pointed out, "that's suspicious enough."

"I've been lying to them for two years—"

"Maybe we don't use the word lie. This has gone on long enough. I don't even remember why we started this in the first place."

"No," he responded tensely.

It had started innocently enough. Albus was just tired of the pity and judgmental stares he got from his family. Poor Albus, can't find a nice girl. No one wanted to date him at Hogwarts. Even his little sister could find love but Albus? No. No.

Maybe he was 'funny.' That's the term his Uncle used to describe gay people. He was funny. Funny. Funny. Funny. Strange. Maybe it was just better if he didn't find anyone at all. Suffice to say his parents did not think what his Uncle Percy said was funny at all.

Being 'funny' wasn't okay in the Wizarding World. Apparently being single wasn't either. Albus came to the conclusion early on he couldn't win if he was straight or gay.

The pressure had started to eat away at him. Thanksgiving dinner all of his cousins showed up with someone latched to their arm while his grandmother cooed one day it would happen for him. On Christmas Eve he watched from the corner as family and friends got engaged. No one cared about his work. No one cared about his hobbies because at 25 time was ticking and he needed to find a wife.

He wasn't aware he had a biological clock that everyone but him could see.

He started to look at women as potential prospects, not partners. Who could he choose to appease his family?

Then one day Cecilia was there. She was the kind of woman you knew but didn't really know. She had been in the same year as Albus at Hogwarts but a different house. Their paths had only crossed during lessons. Cecilia with her dark brown hair and mysterious blue eyes. She was cultured. She was funny. She could drink Albus under the table. She was also trustworthy as Piper's best friend. They could talk for hours without getting bored of each other. They had common interests.

Albus found you could walk into a bar with a woman, get photographed and people would start-saying things. Albus didn't deny it when his mother squealed in delight that he was finally seeing someone. Emphasis on _finally_ as she rushed off to gossip with the other women in their family to share the great news. He didn't give much detail away. Hell, he never exactly said they were _together_. He just agreed they were together…at a bar but he just left that last part out.

Besides, at first Cecilia thought it was funny because she was a lesbian. They were also very careful, no matter how much the Wizardrazzi dug, they never figured out her secret. Sometimes he offered her money because what started as a joke became a stressful and endless favor that had strained not only their friendship but hers and Piper's as well.

"She can come with you for Christmas and then you're going to have to break-up with it. The time has come."

Albus mumbled something unintelligent but Piper chose to ignore him.

"Albus, she's in love."

He sat up in his chair, an alarmed look on his face. That was news to him.

"Since when!" he bellowed, banging his fist angrily against his desk. "Since when has she been dating someone? She better _not_ tell anyone. She's supposed to be my friend and—"

"Since six months ago," she said, cutting him off.

Piper was giving him a blank stare. She didn't want to reveal her true emotions. All she wanted Albus to do was to stop lying. His lies were taking a toll out on her. He didn't realize how selfish he could be because he wasn't in charge of his own life. She had to keep everything running smoothly. She had to create diagrams to keep all the information straight. His twisted web of lies was hard to keep up with and Piper's master list was starting to get confusing.

"She knows the rules but she's not your friend," she said very bluntly. "She hasn't been your friend for a long time Albus and you haven't exactly been hers. You have to look at this from her perspective. This hasn't been easy. She's constantly bombarded with questions and dragged through the mud. No one calls you a whore when you wear a certain outfit or you're out at a certain time during the night. What kind of life do you think she's living?"

"Well, no one told her to go out with that tight green dress on. It left little to the imagination."

Piper glared at him. "Don't. Don't be that guy. You're not that guy."

Albus didn't say anything for some time. He should have felt ashamed. He should have felt sorry but if anything he just felt rage at being betrayed. What kind of life did she think he was living? Did they think it was easy for him? At least when she went home she had someone to unwind too. Albus had no one. He was always alone. Part of it might have been his fault but he couldn't and wouldn't take all of the blame.

"Do you think I enjoy lying to my family?" he asked lightly. He was staring at Piper but he seemed so far away as if his head was elsewhere. "I can't lead a normal life."

Piper pursed her lips together and hung her head, guilt overcoming her. She couldn't handle the sadness and the vulnerability in his eyes. It was rare that Albus let his walls down and revealed his true self. She had been working for him long enough to know the true Albus Potter but sometimes the façade was so good she could forget who he really was.

"Albus, your mother stopped by and paid me a visit."

Albus nearly choked on air. He had to smack himself on the back for fear he might choke himself to death.

"Please tell me you turned her away."

Piper gave him an uneasy look. Ginny Potter was a very nice woman but she could be intimidating when she wanted to be. No matter how many times Piper interacted with her she couldn't help but get nervous. She reminded Piper of her own mother, able to know when she was lying, able to get under her skin, pushed her until she heard what she wanted. It was clear Mrs. Potter always got her way and that was no exception when she came to see Piper.

"Not exactly."

Albus stood up abruptly and started to pace the room. His heels making noise against the wooden floor as he rushed back and forth, back and forth, scuffing the floor slightly.

"What did you say?"

"She wanted to know after two years if you were finally going to make it official."

He gave her a confused look. "Official?"

Piper held up her left hand. "Marriage."

Albus blanched. Marriage? The last thing on his mind these days was marriage.

Especially to his fake lesbian girlfriend.

"Piper," he said, as calmly as he could, "tell me you didn't."

Piper sighed. "She was just _so_ excited. Her eyes were twinkling and her entire face just lit up at the idea. I didn't say yes but I didn't say no."

Albus abruptly stopped his pacing and gaped at her. He felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He was going to die right there on his office floor. Better yet he should've just flung himself off a cliff.

He could see it in his minds eye at the very moment. The world seemed endless at the dead of night at the edge of a cliff. With one jump his entire life could be over. He would stand so close to the edge it would look almost like an accident. If he sneezed he could fall right over. Lose his balance. There would be questions, sure, but it wasn't like anyone would miss Albus Potter.

Maybe he'd fake his death because there was no way he was going to spend the holiday with his family and live this down. No, dying seemed like a much better option.

He also wasn't sure as he stared at Piper who was squirming nervously in her seat and pulling at the hem of her dress if he should have fired her but she dug him in this hole she would have to get him out of it.

If she thought she was getting a Christmas bonus this year she had another thing coming.

He threw his hands up in the air and started to shake them nervously, flexing his small bicep muscles.

"Piper, what the hell am I going to do?"

"Get engaged by Christmas?"

He gave her an incredulous look and started pacing again, this time picking up the pace at double the time, nearly knocking into his oak bookshelf.

"To who!" he bellowed. "The other more obvious issue is I _don't_ actually want to get married."

Piper scoffed. "People get divorced all the time."

"Piper!"

She laughed nervously as if to say she was just making a joke but she hadn't been. She figured Albus would be all for it. Sort of. Maybe. Not really. She was going to lose her job over this, wasn't she?

She really should have listened to her mother and studied to be a Healer.

"We'll get someone new," Albus said, coming to a stop. He had a hand to his chin and was rubbing it quickly, lost in thought.

She nodded in agreement. "I figured you would say that. I'm already working on it. Albus, don't worry," she said brightly, "I've got this."

He stared at her, curls bouncing up and down around her head as she nodded, hands folded in her lap.

Bloody hell.

He was getting married.

 **Author's Note:** **A new story after all these years! This story is a result of me watching too many romantic comedies but being a cynic at heart. Prepare for a moody Albus and a family filled with issues. Let me know what you think in a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:** **On The Brink (Of a Negotiation)**

Three days had past since what Albus was now referring to as the 'incident.' He could barely contain his worry. His lunch break became a time when he would brainstorm ideas on what he would do.

How would he propose to his person? Would they even like each other?

Did they even have to like each other?

How much was this going to cost him?

The worrying didn't stop. At work he was so distracted he kept signing his name as Harry Potter, much to the amusement of his colleagues, but he couldn't think straight. He could barely breathe.

It didn't help that he was so behind on work his office was filled to the brim with stacks of parchment. The entire floor had cases upon cases just sitting there waiting for his stamp of approval. In all honesty he knew he didn't even have to read half of them but he was trying to convince himself that maybe if he didn't do anything he'd have to stay over the holiday season and he wouldn't have to face his family.

Why couldn't Piper had just said they had broken-up?

It helped the situation that the media hadn't seen Cecilia and Albus together in months. Plus, he had barely acknowledged her as his girlfriend in his letters home. He could have been dating just about anybody but marriage? That one was harder to spin.

A knock at the door caused Albus to look up from what he was pretending to read. Really, he had been staring at the same file for the past three days.

"Come in," he said quietly.

The door opened and Piper popped her head in, a bright smile on her face. Albus wasn't sure if he should take that as a good or bad sign. He waved her in and she closed the door behind her hurriedly, walking over to his desk with an even bigger smile.

She was wearing a canary yellow cardigan and a knee length grey dress. Albus was never sure of her fashion style.

"Yes, Ms. Meadows," he said tightly.

Piper narrowed her eyes but she didn't lose the smile making her almost appear like a maniac.

"Prepare to bow down to me. You're going to name your first born after me for this one."

Albus blinked. He wasn't expecting much though he couldn't help but relax slightly in his chair. He had hired Piper for a reason after all. She might have screwed up but she usually pulled through when he needed her the most.

Before she could say anything else a shout made the two of them jump in their respective chairs. He arched his eyebrow and put his hand up to silence Piper who looked pale but was ready to continue with what she had to say.

" _KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME! I SHOULD HEX YOU OR HAVE YOU CHUCKED IN AZKABAN! FILTHY—"_

"What the hell is going on? Handle that noise right now. I can't be bothered with some imbecile," he said tiredly.

Piper's smile was waning as she stared at him with worry. "Right away Albus," she muttered darkly, "but this discussion isn't over. You see it might not be ideal but—"

" _PIPER! I'M LOOKING FOR PIPER MEADOWS! SHE'S TINY! I CAN FIT HER IN MY POCKET! OF COURSE I'M EXAGGERATING YOU DOLT!"_

In seconds, Piper turned red and nervously shoved a hand through her curly hair. She eyed a stuffed blackbird behind Albus's desk and inwardly groaned. Sometimes she worried she would end up just like it. Its black feathers almost looked like they were ruffling as if to warn her of her potential doom.

Her brown eyes found Albus's green ones again and she smiled tightly.

"Not to worry Albus! Sounds like that's just my sister. Speaking of my sister—"

He scrunched his nose. "You have a sister?"

She gave him a hard look. "Of course I have a sister. I have _two_ sisters. You send them flowers on their birthday," she said, trying to control the annoyance that was starting to seep through her words.

Albus sighed and mentally cursed himself, an apologetic look on his face. He really had to start paying more attention to Piper. Sometimes she just rattled on about her life and her family and he just tuned her out.

"Piper—"

She coughed and stood up from her chair, glaring at him. "Right away, Mr. Potter," she said coolly, smoothing out her dress. "I'll handle this right away for you."

Albus didn't appreciate the edge of anger that was normally in her chipper voice but he was in an equally bad mood and didn't feel like anything he would say would help the situation.

"Piper, come on. Just let me know what you had to say. Why were you so excited? Did you find someone?"

She didn't say anything. There was an awkward silence between the two of them as the door creaked slightly as it started to open.

"Miss!" a voice shouted from outside. "You can't go in there! One more step and I'm alerting security! You'll be swarmed by Aurors!"

"Says who?" Another voice snapped back. "What are you hiding in here? Gold? Is he enjoying some afternoon delight with his assistant? My sister would never stoop so low! Hello, Piper!" The voice said with false cheeriness, slamming the door behind her.

Albus eyed Piper's sister as she entered the office. Her black denim trousers were ripped at the knees and her blue t-shirt was splattered with paint while her hands were covered in what he assumed to be black ink. As she waved to her sister and walked towards his desk he wondered if she smelled.

She _looked_ like she smelled. As if she had been rolling around at a Muggle construction site all day.

"Albus, this is my sister Lenore."

Lenore rolled her brown eyes and threw her body haphazardly onto the empty leather chair next to her sister.

"We've met before. Pipes, you said you were having an emergency."

Albus snickered. The only person having an emergency was Lenore. A _fashion_ emergency that is. He chuckled to himself and the two sisters stared at him as if he had gone mad.

Piper ignored him and turned towards her sister. They couldn't have been any more different. While Piper was dressed prim and proper, Lenore looked like she only owned the clothes that were on her back. They had the same brown eyes and hair but Lenore looked unkempt, like she rolled out of bed on a daily basis and that was the extent to her beauty routine.

"You weren't just supposed to show up here, Lenore. I'm working. Shouldn't you be at work?"

Lenore laughed and placed her feet on top of a pile of parchment on Albus's desk.

"You're the one that owled me three days ago in a desperate panic and you're aware I'm in-between jobs at the moment." Albus snorted and Lenore gave him a dirty look. "Work, what a load of crap, who needs it, am I right, Alb?"

Albus gave her a bemused look. Alb? What the hell was an Alb?

"Sorry, sorry. Let's call it a leave of absence to keep up appearances. More of their choice then mine if we're being honest. Not a big deal. Maybe I misunderstood you Pipes, I'll just join the others on the street and panhandle or something. I'll probably be bad at it and get chucked into Azkaban or worse—"

Albus scrunched his nose and squinted his eyes. "What's worse than Azkaban?" he questioned.

Lenore eyed him and grinned. "I could shack up with a former Death Eater. Some of those blokes are bloody old and deranged. I could be stuck with a mad wizard for the rest of my life—"

He snorted as he grabbed two pieces of parchment and used them as a buffer to push her feet off his desk.

"You'd be the mad wizard in this scenario."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm a witch, know the gender differences," she said, clapping her hands. "Well, alright then, if you don't need me I'm off."

Piper cursed as Lenore made a dramatic effort to get out of her chair and sulkily walk towards the door.

"Lenore, wait, we need you," she said in a whisper.

Albus gave Piper a horrified look, finally connecting the dots together. He gaped at her for a few seconds and finally said, " _We_ do _not_ need you. Piper, no!"

"Albus, it's not ideal but—"

He shook his head and tapped his fingers on his desk. "As much as I feel for the thing that has disrupted our conversation I'm going to have to say no. We have a crisis on our hands and she is not the answer to it."

Lenore arched her eyebrow and then crossed her arms against her chest, taking a few steps away from the door. "A crisis? Really? What happened? A Muggle saw a wizard pop out of thin air?"

"Third time today but that's not the point," Albus grumbled. He ignored her and turned his attention back to Piper who was fidgeting with the hem of her dress trying to pretend she was invisible. "We need a legitimate plan. This is one of the reasons I hired you. You always know what to do. How much money am I going to have to spend to get you to think clearly?"

He was mentally trying to calculate how much he was willing to spend to keep the charade going and to get Piper's sanity back.

Piper sighed. "If you're still going to lie to your parents then you're going to need someone that's not in a relationship. Someone that is trustworthy to the both of us. I'm still advising you to stop lying to them—"

Albus ignored her advice. "Why is she the one? Why is she the option? There have to be better options."

Piper said nothing as she got up from her chair and walked over to the door. She pushed Lenore gently aside and quietly walked out of the room, leaving the door open. Lenore was peering outside, watching her sister while Albus sat impatiently at his desk, waiting for a response, an explanation to this insanity.

Piper walked back in holding a large file in her hands and slammed the office door behind her. She signaled for Lenore to join her once again next to Albus. As she reached his desk she dropped the file in front of him and then sat down, crossing her legs and tapping her heel on the floor impatiently.

"This is a file of all the other options we have. I looked through our entire department because these are the only other women I trust since my friends are no longer an option."

Lenore exhaled loudly. "Is this how you set him up?" she questioned. She stared at her sister with a raised eyebrow and an impressed look on her face. "I don't envy your job anymore."

Piper muttered a half-hearted 'thanks,' and then slumped her shoulders.

Her friends were no longer an option? Albus wanted to scoff but in reality it seemed fare. Things with Cecilia hadn't exactly worked out and he had met most of other Piper's friends, they were mediocre at best.

"You're still here?" Albus said with annoyance at Lenore was once sitting cross-legged in her chair. "Marvelous. Alright then, what's so bad about these women? I'm sure one of them is a fabulous choice."

Piper shook her head and leaned forward. "You don't understand the process. Sure, they're all trustworthy and easy to control."

She paused momentarily, thinking back to when she first started setting Albus up with women. Cecilia had been the longest 'relationship.' When he first came up with the idea there were others, a date here, a date there, sure they didn't know he wasn't actually going out with them because he liked them, but if he could tolerate more than three dates there was a vetting process. A contract was signed up. A potential conversation was had. Cecilia had been the only one willing to sign. Though the others never said anything to the press because she had made it very clear that no one would believe them. Plus, she was a bit feisty and was willing to completely destroy their lives with the information she dug up on them.

"But this isn't the way to go about it. Besides, there are only four single women in this department."

He pursed his lips together in thought. "Four perfect options—"

Piper didn't mention the potential for a sexual harassment suit but you'd be surprised how many women wanted to date someone in the spotlight, even Albus, who was more of a hermit, just to get their name out there. It didn't hurt to ask. You just had to be very strategic about it.

She rolled her brown eyes and gave her sister a look. "This is an entire process. We'd need a contract, an entirely new one, and we also need someone to be remotely compatible and interested in you."

"The only way," Lenore said from her seat, "that'll happen is if he devotes some more time in a gym and does something about that messy mop of hair of his. Come on, green eyes, those can't be natural, eye changing spell?"

She grinned at his obvious discomfort. Albus turned a dark shade of red and balled up a piece of parchment on his desk, throwing it in her direction.

"Here's an idea. Why don't you leave and look for a new job because we do not need you."

Piper clapped her hands together loudly before her sister could respond, putting the attention back on herself.

"Lenore is the _only_ option. We can't keep this up forever Albus. You need to find someone real. Someone to settle down with on your terms. Who cares about the media?"

He shook his head. "I haven't walked anywhere properly in a week because James started that fight with the Cannons reserve Chaser. Besides, I have no time for a legitimate relationship. Work is—"

"Work is work," she said with a sad sigh. Piper then turned to observe her sister who had gotten up and walked over to one of Albus's bookshelves. She was examining his stuffed cat that looked like it was ready to attack at any given moment.

"It sounds like you have deep seeded issues," Lenore said, poking the cat. "You're practically running your own dating service or bordello. I haven't decided which yet."

"Get back to me on that," Albus said sarcastically.

Piper said nothing as Albus started to pull out a photo of each girl in the folder. There were four nameless girls that he may or may not have seen around the office. He just didn't pay close enough attention to create a concrete image of each in his head.

Albus eyed each photo with a critical eye with Piper who was now standing by his side. Two of the women were blonde, one had orange skin and Albus figured she probably really enjoyed carrots. Another was a brunette and the fourth, well, she appeared to be six months pregnant.

Lenore appeared to the right of him and tapped the photo of the one with the orange skin.

"She's out," Albus said gruffly, throwing her photo to the side. "This one too."

Lenore whistled. "Ah, I see you're a brunette guy. Really? It's shocking in itself that you like women though I'm not entirely convinced if you have to go through all this trouble to find the one—"

Albus and Piper ignored her, moving closer to each other.

"Are you really going to go with the pregnant girl?" Piper asked quietly. "That'll have the papers talking and your parents will never let you break-up with her. I suppose you can tell them she cheated on you after a row and you're trying to work it out. The child may or may not be yours."

The pregnant girl was shifting from foot to foot, hand on her belly in the photo. For a second Albus wondered how Piper exactly got these images but thought best to keep it a mystery. He nodded in agreement with Piper and placed her photo in the 'no' pile with the two other women.

"Our final match," Lenore said, trying to get the ball rolling. "What's her name then, Piper?"

Piper crossed her arms against her chest and leaned back slightly as Albus and Lenore waited for her to respond.

"Felicity," she said with slight hesitation, willing herself to not laugh.

"Merlin, sounds like the name of a bad Muggle daytime show character. Will Felicity finally give it up to Ben? Let's find out in another five years!"

"Muggles," Piper said with annoyance, "don't talk about those things in the daytime and would you please just shut-up Lenore. You're not helping your case." She was losing her patience and quickly.

"Felicity sweetheart, I'm looking for someone to escort to the winter formal," Albus said, snickering, before the two sisters could continue bickering.

He examined the image of Felicity before him, scrutinizing the way she stood, without any confidence, shoulders slightly slumped forward. She had blue eyes and brown roots while the rest of her hair was blonde.

"An escort?" Lenore said with a snort. " _Witch Weekly_ and the _Prophet_ will eat this up. Looks like I'll have some money in my Gringrotts account this Christmas."

Albus's eyes popped open from worry and he turned towards Piper who was nervously humming to herself.

"Piper—"

"She's joking," she said quickly. "She's only joking. Right, Lenore?"

Lenore shook her head already bored with the conversation. "But think of all the galleons I could have. Then you can finally quit this job and stop complaining about your self centered boss."

Piper turned a deep shade of red and fidgeted with the hem of her dress, which was difficult as she was standing up.

"Lenny! I don't say that Albus, I swear. She's making it up."

Lenore shrugged. "I wish she did. She could have at least told us Albus Potter is gay."

"I'm not gay," he said defiantly. "And if I was it wouldn't be an issue."

"Right, if that's what you say Potter, I completely believe you. If you're not gay then I can start a rumor you're addicted to smutty magazines and have them stashed underneath your bed."

"I do not have—"

"The way you're blushing almost makes me think it's true."

Albus cursed in his head, he was blushing, he was as red as a tomato.

Lenore's eyebrows rose as he sat there in silence and nervously squeezed the back of his neck. She smirked and then started to giggle while Piper gave her an amused look.

"You do, don't you? That's disgusting! Merlin, what are you, a teenager? I can't wait to alert the presses the youngest Potter boy has dirty magazines hidden underneath his bed. Ah, make it even juicier, stashed underneath his floorboards! A hidden compartment and everything. Oh, the humanity!"

"Piper!" Albus bellowed. He was so red Piper was convinced he was about to pass out from embarrassment. He never shouted that much. If he did it wasn't normally directed at Piper.

"Lenore, stop," she said in warning.

"Maybe Felicity will work out," he said to himself. "Well…"

Lenore scoffed next to him. In truth he knew it was not going to work out with her. He already lacked enough confidence of his own. He didn't need his fake girlfriend, fiancé, wife or whatever she was going to be to crumble under the pressure. His green eyes angrily locked on Lenore who was smiling at him triumphantly.

"So, does this mean I've got the job? I'm the future Mrs. Potter?"

Albus grabbed his throat in a panic. He could feel the bile rising in his throat. He was close to retching. The mere thought of her as Mrs…for the love of Merlin.

"You're insufferable," he said halfheartedly, the will to fight leaving him. "Piper, just get her out of my office and once you're done throwing her out on the street where she so rightly belongs come back and we'll discuss the terms of your position because after what I've seen today…"

"Lenny," Piper whispered harshly, "apologize."

Lenore groaned and slumped her shoulders. She bit her lower lip, pulling skin, as she prepared herself to do what her sister demanded.

"Fine. I'm _sorry_ you're so insufferable and pathetic," she said dramatically.

Piper cursed loudly, startling the two. It was completely out of character for her.

"Lenore Meadows, that is not a proper apology. Have you completely forgotten all of your manners or should I owl Mum and let her know how you have acted today?"

"Just do us both a favor and leave," demanded Albus. "I'd chalk her up to a lost cause if I was you," he said to Piper.

Lenore rolled her eyes and then licked her lips, trying to buy herself some time.

"Fine. I'm _sorry_ and I'll leave but first you have to tell me how much."

Albus furrowed his brow and gave her a questioning look. "How much for what?"

"The job, you dolt."

It was Piper who spoke first. She jumped in her spot and shook her head rather violently, curls bouncing dangerously around her head. Albus and Lenore both stared at her with worry that her neck would snap in two.

"No. No way. This was a bad idea to begin with. You're not going to be his fake girlfriend. You can't even get along for two seconds. All of my—our," she said, correcting herself as Albus gave her a hard look, "work would be ruined. Just go to my flat. Christopher is at work. We'll figure out a new life plan for you later," she said feverishly.

She ignored Piper and stared directly at Albus, ready to make her case.

"I'm a brunette," she said, twirling a piece of curly hair. She bit her lip as the lock of hair got stuck in a knot because she hadn't brushed her hair in awhile.

"Thanks to a hair changing spell," Piper deadpanned.

Lenore gave her an incredulous look. "I'm a liar and a good one unlike you," she said with a grin. Piper couldn't help but grudgingly agree. "My sister can control me somewhat, unlike anyone else you hire who could go off at a moments notice. Plus, if you don't include me in this I'll go to the press as an unidentified 'close friend' and out this entire scheme of yours."

Albus sighed and fell back into his seat, hands covering his eyes. An unemployed degenerate who had no place to live was blackmailing him.

"You're willing to put your sisters career at jeopardy for this?" he questioned tiredly.

"I'd be great for your image," she continued, ignoring his question. "Albus Potter and the mystery brunette. Have they been dating in secret all this time? What happened to Cecilia Thornback? Albus Potter in love with Gemma."

He raised his eyebrow in amusement. "I thought your name was Lenore."

She grinned. "I will be whoever and whatever you want me to be. Call me by a pet name. Change my identity. Heck, make Piper my mother for all I care."

"Hey!" shouted Piper indignantly. "I'm only two years older than you! Besides, that's just odd and we would want you—I mean, the person we choose, to retain as much of their true identity as possible."

Lenore grimaced, her sister was proving to be a difficult obstacle to overcome and she's the one that had wanted her in the first place. Albus was quietly soaking the information in his chair, trying to weigh the pros and the cons.

"Come on Potter, just say yes," Lenore pleaded. She actually really needed this.

A source of income.

Some entertainment.

Albus glanced at Piper who was giving him a hard look but was silent. He knew she was mad because she wasn't putting in her input but she wasn't shutting her sister down entirely either. It was after all, her idea to begin with. Maybe she was tired. Albus was tired too.

Of life.

Of reality.

He sighed in defeat. Lenore grinned and stuck her hand out towards him.

"So Potter, are we doing this?"

He paused for a few seconds to mull things over once more. She wasn't attractive, at least to him. She would need a lot of work in a short period of time but he was in a bind and at least her loyalties ran with Piper. Piper would be the one to lead her along the route of survival.

He extended his hand and roughly shook hers. "Call me Albus," he said grudgingly.

Inside Albus Potter's office, a pact was made and a fake relationship was formed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:** **On The Brink (Of Negotiations)**

Albus Potter wasn't entirely sure what he had gotten himself into. If someone would have told him he would have been sitting in his office with a woman that looked like her daily hygiene was an after thought and agreeing to be in a relationship with her he would have asked if they were sleep deprived.

Alright, so maybe he was being dramatic. She had to have some redeeming qualities if she was Piper's sister.

Maybe.

He wasn't holding out hope.

Then again stranger things have happened in his life. For one, he was _currently_ in his office with a brown haired woman that was covered with paint (her clothing at least). She kept annoyingly kicking her feet up on his desk, which was still piled with an endless amount of parchment, and had a smug sneer on her face as she stared at him.

She was loving this. Torturing him. She was beaming with glee. Of course why wouldn't she? This is where the fun stuff started.

The negotiations.

Albus had learned through going with this with Cecilia that he always lost in the end.

Meanwhile, his personal assistant, and her sister, was sitting glumly next to her, not bothering to say a word.

"Evidently, because of this one over here," he said, pointing to Piper, "we're supposed to be getting engaged and married. I don't know about you but I don't think marriage is in the cards for us. I'm sorry honey but it's you, not me."

Lenore laughed loudly not even bothering to come up with a retort. Disappointed, Albus removed his blue horn-rimmed spectacles and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You'll be able to leave early so you don't have to stay for the New Year. Of course keep in mind I'm paying you for dramatics during our break-up. I of course need to come out as the good guy in the scenario."

"We wouldn't want it any other way," Piper said dully.

Albus gave her a sharp look while Lenore grinned.

He was going to add a _thank Godric_ , for their pending break-up but didn't want to push his luck with the two sisters. The mood in the room could shift at any moment and though he was Piper's boss she didn't have any issue with putting him in his place if need be.

"Sounds fine to me," Lenore responded, placing her feet back on top of his desk for the tenth time in the last five minutes. He kept swatting them off with rolled up parchment. "I'm not looking forward to being in the company of red heads though. They're a strange lot."

He gave her a puzzled look and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair.

"Red heads? Really?" he questioned, a grin on his lips. He hadn't considered it before but then again the Weasley clan did get into some odd predicaments. Mainly his Uncle Percy due to the fact his Uncle Ron and George liked to give him a bit of hell.

"No," Lenore muttered with an eye roll. "Your family. Yes, red heads and yes your family. Merlin, I'm going to be spending my holiday with the royal family."

Before Albus could say anything, Piper cut in finally breaking her silence. A look of annoyance was clearly written on her face.

"This is going nowhere and I have other work to do. Let's remember we do actually work for the Ministry. Let's get this started because I for one would like to get home at a decent hour tonight. You two can bicker behind closed doors like an actual couple later."

Albus and Lenore shared a look and didn't say anything for another beat.

"I hear Hugo Weasley likes to dance and James dresses in drag," Lenore said quickly, ignoring Piper. "It was all over the papers."

Albus grumbled. It _was_ in the papers about two weeks ago. The pictures were from far away and doctored. At the time he tried to imagine his cousin Hugo with his freckled face, tan skin and terrible dancing skills that tended to get them thrown out of bars before they even had a second drink in a tutu pirouetting. The thought of his older brother, James, in a dress made him shudder though he had seen it before. He couldn't say no to a dare.

He glared at Lenore with annoyance. "No, they don't."

Piper huffed at the two of them.

"Alright, alright. Piper, we'll get on to it then," Lenore said with a dramatic neck roll. "I'd like my money up front in cash and don't try to double cross me. No one will miss you."

Albus couldn't disagree. No one would miss him. Did anyone ever really care about the middle child anyway?

"Are you seriously threatening me?" he asked, scoffing. "My father is an Auror."

"And my father is a Muggle chef who knows things about grease that'll permanently make your hair fall into place," she said with a sneer.

At this Piper blubbered her lips and nodded her head in agreement. "Well, that's true.."

She wasn't blackmailing him per se. She wasn't threatening him either. In fact, Lenore might not have liked Albus but she needed the money and a job. Being his fake fiancé? It was better than dressing up as a pumpkin pasty costume trying to attract customers to come into a sweet shop.

Lenore grinned, brown eyes shining with mischief. "That's what the _Prophet_ is going to write up again this time in extensive detail if you don't give my sister a raise."

At this Piper perked up, sitting straighter in her chair than she had all day.

Albus groaned. "Seriously?"

Next to Lenore, Piper coughed, bringing the attention to herself. "I wouldn't abhor a raise…" she mumbled, casting her eyes downward.

Albus groaned as he glared at her. "Bloody fine, if this goes off without any trouble you'll get a raise, a bonus and whatever the hell else you want. Here, have some locks of my hair and sell them to my adoring fans. Maybe they'll clone me and then I can live a normal life."

He angrily started to tug at the mess of mop dark brown hair on his head, trying to desperately pull out tufts.

"I'll get the scissors!"

"Piper!" yelled a shocked Albus, mid tug.

Piper had jumped out of her chair and pulled out her wand, ready to cut off some of his hair. She sheepishly shrugged her shoulders, blushing, as she pocketed her wand and sat back down in her seat.

"Sorry.."

Albus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms against his chest. He had half a mind to hex the two women sitting before him. As he brooded, he started to notice things about Lenore he hadn't realized before. For one, she had the attention span of a goldfish. Whenever he interacted with Piper she would pay attention for a millisecond but then get distracted by the different objects she was pulling out of her purse.

One minute she was engaged with a hand puppet and the next she was placing a blue shaggy wig on top of her head. Why she had either of those things Albus was sure he did not want to know.

Lenore was tapping her fingers now and staring stonily at her sister. Piper didn't say much. He guessed she was trying to see where Albus stood with the entire situation.

"I can't believe you're unemployed," he said absentmindedly, drumming his fingers on his desk. "That's one of the things on my list. Do not date someone that's unemployed."

"We're not actually dating," she pointed out, scratching her scalp under her wig. "Wait a second, you have a list? Do you really think you have enough redeemable qualities to have a list?"

Albus snorted. "Says the unemployed girl who looks like she was in a fight with a rubbish bin and it won."

"Oh please, I've heard worse," she said, smacking her lips together loudly. "You can do better. Try harder."

Piper smiled and patted her sister's head affectionately. "Lenny, play nice. Albus isn't all that bad. If this is going to work the two of you are going to have to get along."

"No we aren't," exclaimed Albus, jumping out of his chair. "Genius moment—"

Lenore scoffed. "He refers to himself as a genius. Someone get my pitch fork ready."

Albus ignored her and set his eyes on Piper instead. She was staring at him, waiting for a further explanation. "What if we have a really terrible break-up?" he questioned, rubbing his hands together with excitement. His eyes were shinning like he had just come up with the perfect idea. "That should give me two or three years to push my family from interfering with my love life. I could actually have a love life."

"Albus," Piper reprimanded with a tut, "they don't interfere. They worry. There's a difference."

He groaned and rubbed his temples, a migraine starting to form. "Their worrying gives me heart palpitations. Lenore can be her regular self because I don't believe she could be anyone else. I suppose you don't even censor yourself, do you?" he asked hopefully.

Lenore, who was running her hands through her blue shiny wig, shrugged.

"Depends on the mood I'm in. The weather. If I'm hungry."

"Is she always like this?" he asked Piper.

She grimaced. "For the most part."

"Good. I want you to keep it up. Don't ever turn that off. Prefect your craft even because this is your one and only gift. I'll give you all the money you want and a raise for your sister. Hell, I'll even buy you a cat."

"A cat?" Lenore asked with horror. She dropped her hands from her wig in a panic. "Do I look like I enjoy sitting with cats on a rainy day knitting tea cozies? That's insulting."

Albus paused, trying to think of something to say. He was surprised she could feel insulted with the way she looked and acted. He didn't doubt she spent her time with cats. They were probably her only friends.

"Just insult me back then. Give it all you've got. I want you to be rude to my family. Insult my brother and sister—"

Piper shook her head in meek protest. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm getting bored of this conversation," Lenore said loudly.

Albus ignored them both. He leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his desk and head on his hands. "Matter of fact, insult my mum."

The sisters gasped simultaneously and gave Albus a disappointed look.

"Albus!" Piper shouted with surprise.

"Even I'm a little put off with that one. Respect your mother you ungrateful man. She gave birth to you. I feel very uncomfortable right now…"

Piper nodded in agreement and inched towards her sister, throwing her arm around her shoulders. "It shocks me too. My opinions of you are changing and not positively mind you."

Albus stared at her slack-jawed and leaned back in his chair with a scowl.

"Piper, don't you have work to get to?" he asked tightly.

Her pink lips formed into a tight line and she 'hmphed' brown eyes filled with hurt at the edge in his voice.

"But I always plan your relationships for you…I'm the expect…I know you better than you know yourself," she argued weakly.

"Your services are not needed. I think we've got everything under control. It's almost lunchtime. Be a good assistant and get me a sandwich."

Piper couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her sister scoffed, offended next to her, and mumbled curse words under her breath. Piper slowly rose from her seat and walked towards the office door with her shoulders hunched forward and head down as if she had been reprimanded.

"Oh, but of course, yes, right away Mr. Potter," she whispered to herself as she left the room.

"Hm," was all Lenore finally decided to say as Piper shuffled out of the office clearly dejected. Her brown eyes examined Albus who didn't seem to notice or care about the shift in Piper's attitude.

"I don't think you understand what you're unleashing here," she said quietly. "All jokes aside I can be pretty cruel," she admitted, lips curving into a bright sinister smile. "If you want me to insult your Mum, your Gran's cooking or the gut on your father I can do all of those things and more willingly. Have you really thought about this?"

Albus nodded without hesitation and averted his eyes from hers. He didn't like the look on Lenore's face. His stomach felt queasy as she started to mention his family. His Grandmother was the best cook he knew. Insulting her would add unnecessary fuel to the fire.

This is what he needed. Lenore was unfortunately the answer. He didn't have time to go looking for someone. To make an actual connection. By the time that happened he would be sixty. Besides, his family would have never approved of anyone he brought home. Did Albus date?

Sort of.

In secret. Rarely. Definitely not anyone worth gossiping about.

Or maybe he was the issue. Maybe he wasn't worth gossiping about or loving or maybe he just couldn't make a connection with anyone because he was so far gone.

It was like he had a permanent rain cloud above his head. He was drowning in unhappiness.

"I don't have to think about it. I just want to live a normal life. Christmas might be ruined this year because of this and there will be tears but they won't be coming from me. It's hard being me, alright?" he whispered, looking down at his hands.

He turned his head and his eyes fell on the stuffed bird in his office. Albus felt like that bird. No, the bird had it better than he did. At least the bird could go by unnoticed by others.

"From the papers with the events and functions you all go to I'm guessing it's pretty nice to be you. It sounds like you need therapy."

"It's not," he admitted with a shrug. "I have people constantly wanting my autograph but what have I done in life besides be Harry Potter's son? Nothing. I'm in the papers if I get a cold. People rummage through my trash bins. I can barely see my friends or have real and honest relationships—"

Lenore winced at the pain in his voice. If she was a bigger person she would have comforted him but she didn't know him that well and she didn't care all that much.

"I get it. Send me the abridged version of _Albus Potter and His Pitiful Life_. What's your plan in the end? You don't have a concrete plan and it's obvious. I can't just show up at your family's fireplace for the holidays and start spewing insults left and right." She paused to laugh at herself. "I mean…I _could_. Don't underestimate my abilities but if anything that's going to make me look bad and not you. Plus, I don't want to end up in Azkaban. Piper would lead a boring life without me. She does crosswords on Sundays, who does that?"

Albus didn't miss a beat even though he was trying to sort through some of the parchment on his desk and get begin his normal routine once again.

"I do. Normal people do. What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying," Lenore stretched towards his desk, placing her hands on his to abruptly stop his movements, "you need to rack up some insults yourself." His hand shook nervously underneath hers and felt warm and sweaty to her touch. "I can't be the only bad guy in this scenario. I know it's not going to be hard for you because from the way you treat my sister I can already tell—"

"I treat Piper just fine," he snapped, pushing her hand away. "I already know how to work my family. Don't you worry that little blue synthetic head of yours."

Lenore grinned at the obvious anger that was starting to flow freely out of Albus. "Tell me, have you been in an _actual_ relationship before?"

"Of course," he whispered. His left eye twitched momentarily and he averted his eyes from her again. He was trying to focus on the words that were scribbled on the parchment in front of him.

"That eye twitch from your left eye begs to differ."

Albus pursed his lips and dropped the parchment down on the desk. He shoved his hands through his hair, making his hair appear like he hadn't run a comb through it that morning.

"What the hell are you?" he asked incredulously. "An Auror? I've been in a relationship before. I don't talk about it. Okay? It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is this, what you and I have!"

Lenore started to say something but paused and tried to change her tactic. Her voice was soft for the first time in his office and she said, "Your family is going to see right through you. What we have is a lie. We barely know each other. The insults are all superficial."

"It doesn't matter—"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking," she warned.

"Sorry," he muttered sheepishly. "Look, I need you to be in this one hundred percent. If you can't handle this let me know right now because I can find someone else."

Lenore nodded and mouthed a quiet 'yes.' Though she felt a nervous ache in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't entirely sure what she had gotten herself into.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:** **On the Brink (of a Friendship)**

It took a hefty raise, a free lunch and a medium sized bouquet of flowers to get Piper to even look at Albus again. She had angrily stomped back into his office and thrown a tuna sandwich on his desk. Albus detested tuna. If it was anyone else she would have been fired but Piper knew she was his backbone. She was his confidant and knew more about Albus than Albus was willing to admit about himself.

Hours later, the same day after the agreement was made, Lenore followed Piper home to her flat. The two opened the lilac colored front door and were instantly greeted by the smell of food being cooked in the kitchen.

"What a day," Piper murmured, kicking off her heels and cracking her back. "Chris? Are you here? We have a visitor!" she shouted.

The man she was shouting for, Chris, bounded down the stairs two at time, nearly tripping over his feet at the end of the staircase. He was wearing a white apron that was covered in sauce and read, 'Don't Piss Off the Chef.'

A large smile appeared on his face, as he fixed his black square spectacles that were slipping down his nose, as Lenore and Piper came into focus.

"Lenny! What a surprise. There's pasta and salad. There's sauce too but not too much," he said with a big grin. "I think I got most of it on me. I was trying to clean up but I've never been good at those cleaning spells. Let's eat and you both can tell me all about your day. Nice wig by the way, the blue really brings out your attitude."

Lenore grinned. Christopher was definitely the best thing to happen to Piper. Granted, the same could be said vice versa. Her older sister had always been reserved. She was shy around men but Christopher brought out a different side of her. One that liked to go salsa dancing and drink margaritas on an occasional Monday after work.

The two met through Lenore. She had originally been set up on a date with him but she felt he was took cookie-cutter for her. He had perfect teeth, a great hairline and a decent amount of muscle in his arms, which meant he could open plenty of pickle jars without magic. She liked more grit to her men. He talked too much about white picket fences, golden retrievers and children flying brooms in a lush green backyard.

It was more Piper's outlook on life. Their date ended with a chaste kiss on the cheek that her sister accidentally interrupted coming in from work. Christopher told Piper he liked her paisley dress and new bob, which Piper had been self-conscious about. Naturally, he asked Lenore very politely if he could ask her sister out a few weeks later. She hadn't been sour about it because there was no spark between them.

Christopher treated Lenore like she was his little sister. As an only child he clung to Piper's family. He was always worried about Lenore's love life, job status and if she ate enough fiber.

"Food, thank heavens. Your sister was starving me at her office today. You could've gotten me a tuna sandwich."

Piper glowered at her sister and rushed past the two towards the dining room where everything was already laid out.

"I don't want to talk about work," she said tensely, serving herself some food.

Christopher gave Lenore a quiet look as he handed her a sky blue dinner plate with a big heap of spaghetti.

"Well, I'll talk about my day then. Who knew being a trainee herbologist could be so thrilling. I broke out completely because Harold thought it would be funny to rub poison ivy inside my work robes. That Harold…"

Lenore snorted loudly and shook her head in amusement.

"Why does this happen to you each week?" Piper questioned through fits of laughter.

Christopher shrugged sheepishly. "Harold is ninety-three and has a penchant for playing pranks. I'm the only one that'll go along with them. Besides, what's a little poison ivy?

Lenore giggled and wiped at the tears in her eyes. "Well, I guess I'll talk about my day. I'm officially employed once again. I got a new job."

Christopher clapped his hands together and whooped his congratulations. "Excellent, what's the new gig?"

Piper pushed her pasta around her plate with her fork and rolled her eyes, all laughter gone from her face. "She's dating Albus Potter."

Christopher coughed, choking slightly on the water he was drinking. While he placed the glass down he gave Lenore and Piper a horrified look.

"Your _boss_ Albus Potter? The one who signs your rather large paycheck so we can continue living this lavish life of ours? The Albus Potter who owls you at all hours of the night and during inappropriate times while we're making—"

Piper blushed and elbowed Christopher. "That's the one."

He wrinkled his nose like he smelled something awful. "Lenny, as your very good looking brother-in-law I'm going to ask you what the hell are you thinking? More importantly, Piper, what the hell are _you_ thinking?"

"Well," Lenore said through a mouth full of spaghetti, "I was thinking I'm unemployed and I got kicked out of my flat and I need money."

"That's reasonable," he said uneasily.

Piper dropped her fork on her plate and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms against her chest tiredly. After the day she had she was no longer hungry. She just wanted to crawl into her bed and snuggle up next to her husband.

"There's no way of talking him out of it. I already tried. You know Albus is a complicated person."

"Exactly," he said, pointing a silver fork at her. "Lenore doesn't need complicated in her life."

"She signed a contract. A contract that is nonnegotiable and I would know because I'm the one that drafted it. There are no loopholes."

Lenore was quietly eating her pasta and watching the fight unfold in front of her. It was rare the two disagreed on much or maybe they did and she just wasn't privy to their private conversations behind closed doors.

"Look," she said, placing the attention back on herself, "what I want to know is what is his deal? I've been cheated on enough times to know when a bloke is hiding something."

Christopher and Piper shared a quiet knowing look that Lenore couldn't entirely read.

"He's not hiding something per se. He's just…Albus is convinced he can't live a normal life. He's a little delusional."

"No," he said, butting in, "I've met this bloke before. He's more than a little delusional. Bloody thinks the world revolves around him."

Piper scoffed. "You're just sour because he calls you the plant guy and asked you to water his plant that one time."

"It was _plastic_. He can't be that daft."

Lenore groaned, placing her fork down and pushed her plate away, suddenly feeling queasy.

"You're losing focus here. Why does he do this? What if I had a fake boyfriend or fake fiancé and brought him here to meet the two of you?"

Christopher snorted, placing his arm around Piper's chair. "I'd tell him to run for the hills or at least come up with a safe word."

"You give a guy a concussion one time during sex and no one let's you forget about it," Lenore whispered to herself with annoyance.

"Lenny, just don't be too tough on Albus. Just because he thinks you're awful," Lenore stared stone cold at her sister but her cheeks colored slightly at her words. "You have a heart Lenny and so does Albus. You can help him."

"Yeah, by insulting his mother and letting the entire Potter-Weasley family curse me into oblivion."

"No," Piper said seriously. "I need you to listen to me Lenore. You have to follow my directions. He might not say so out right but I'm more than his assistant. I'm his friend. I need you to do what Cecilia couldn't do. I need you to help him come to terms with reality."

Lenore wasn't sure what Piper meant but she could tell by the fierce look in her eyes and the sincerity in her voice this was a big deal to her and she had better not mess it up.

For the second time that day Lenore was questioning what she had really gotten herself into.

-/-

Ten days later, Albus found himself rushing out of his office to deal with an infestation at his apartment. Things had not quieted down at work since the holiday was drawing nearer. People were rushing to finish their work and floo off to different countries while Albus hid behind his mounds of parchment and tried his hardest to not snap at Piper.

Their relationship was tense even though he had _almost_ apologized to her for the sandwich comment, not by verbally saying anything that remotely sounded like a plea for forgiveness but by buying her a bouquet of flowers.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them to not speak about Lenore at work. Though Albus wasn't sure if it was more because they were avoiding the topic entirely or they were worried they would be found out.

The infestation at his flat turned out to be water damage from a pipe bursting. He easily cleaned everything up with magic at the dead of the night when he knew his Muggle neighbors were asleep.

Albus liked the quiet that Muggles brought to his life. He felt like he was more at ease living on the brink between the muggle and magical community. He could work with magic day in and day out but then he could go home and be a different version of himself. None of his neighbors cared about the Potter name and for him it was refreshing.

Though his pipes were quickly fixed. The _real_ infestation came two days later.

A loud knock coming from his front door woke Albus up who was trying to forget about the mess that was his life until Monday. It was Sunday and Sunday's were reserved for eating stale biscuits, drinking a copious amount of tea and keeping his brown duvet over his body like a shield of protective dirt.

He grumbled and cursed to himself and didn't bother to put on his glasses, which he instantly regretted because he stubbed his toe on his desk and had to hobble towards the front door. Everything around him was a blur as he fumbled with the lock on his door and then tapped it with his wand to remove the protective spell he had added to it.

Albus opened the door and squinted at his…brother? Father? He really couldn't tell but he knew it was a man, he guessed it was a man, standing in front of him.

The he or she waved their hand in front of his face.

"Little brother!"

Albus groaned and glared at his brother James. "What are you doing here?" he questioned.

He walked out into the corridor and closed the door to his flat quietly behind him. The last thing he needed was his nosy brother snooping around his flat and running off to tell his parents every insignificant detail about his life.

Albus had strict rules when it came to visitors, especially if they were family members. He didn't like his parents to stop by his office at work. He had had an uncomfortable conversation with his father about the embarrassing nature of having _the_ Harry Potter popping in to check up on him.

His home life was another story. He hadn't invited anyone in his family to come by. He blamed work even on short three day holiday weekends or lied about wanting to really furnish it and make it a home before anyone stopped by.

Really, he just didn't want to be bothered.

James gave his brother a sharp look but shrugged it off because he was used to his odd behavior. He patted Albus on the shoulder and said, "Well, besides the fact that we planned to have lunch two months ago and you're three hours late…"

He let his sentence trail off into the air between them as his brown eyes inspected the closed door not so discreetly.

"Piper," Albus growled under his breath, "this is all her fault. She probably forgot to pencil you in." Albus turned his head left and right to see if there were any other blobs in the corridor. He always took extra precaution when it came to his muggle neighbors.

"Right," James said with a whistle. "Pencil me in. So come on then, let me see the new flat. Let me meet the girlfriend, no wait, soon to be fiancé," he pleaded. "Mum wants the dish since you're bringing her for Christmas. Everyone is so excited. There's going to be a new Mrs. Potter hanging around. Dad bought some new trousers and everything. You know how much he loathes shopping."

Albus was reeling. It was information overload with James. His brother liked to talk extremely fast and _nonstop_. He didn't care for silence.

"How did you know…about her?" He had only sent his parents an owl two days ago. His letter wasn't very detailed but he did confirm he was bringing 'a special someone' with him for the holiday.

That's what people in love called their significant others, right? Their 'special someone' or 'one and only.' Albus thought the second option would have been laying it on too thick.

James shrugged and tried to dart past his brother who smacked his hand away from the brass doorknob aggressively.

"When Mum makes a request it has to be fulfilled. My brother living in sin with a woman. That's what those Muggles with the pamphlets that come round my flat call it. Silly Muggles! Did she make you a woman yet?" he wiggled his eyebrow suggestively and made a dash for the doorknob again but Albus was quicker and pushed him away.

Out of everyone in his family he probably spent the most time with James. His older brother had always been good about being a permanent fixture in his siblings' lives. It didn't matter if that meant shopping with Lily and her friends or sitting there talking to himself during lunch while Albus brooded. Once he had graduated from Hogwarts and then moved out from their childhood home his brother wanted the three of them to remain 'close.'

For the most part Albus enjoyed being around James. He didn't ask _too_ many questions. Plus, his brother acted like he was still a teenager. James liked to go out and have fun. He didn't care about being recognized or photographed. He didn't care if he looked stupid. He always made an effort to help Albus relax.

"I'm sorry," Albus said apologetically. "I'm loaded at work and I just can't have lunch with you right now. Let's reschedule. Maybe after the holiday?"

James sighed loudly as his shoulders dropped in defeat. "We can't. Besides, you promised I'd be able to stay here. I can't find a place on such short notice."

"P-place?" he stammered in confusion. Since when did he allow guests to stay at his flat? Piper knew… _Piper_. That woman was going to be the death of him.

James hopped up and down in front of him, looking like a mobile hyperactive blur. "I'm staying with you, remember? I was surprised myself that you agreed. Come on, let me in! It wasn't such a good idea to take the tube and not visit the loo beforehand."

"James—"

He scrunched his nose but continued to hop up and down. "You're acting weird, even for you." He tried pushing past Albus again. This time Albus placed his entire body between James and the door, a dark look clouding his eyes.

"I can't let you go in there."

"Why the bloody hell not?" he asked with annoyance. "Just move over."

With all of his strength, James shoved his younger brother out of the way. It wasn't a hard task since James spent his workday heaving drunken men out of the Hog's Head. Albus hissed as he fell to the floor loudly and watched with squinted eyes as the door to his flat flung open and his brother stood there analyzing everything quickly.

"If I didn't know any better I would almost think you were a single guy living alone. Where's the loo?"

Albus cursed on the floor, struggling to get up. "Second door to the left. Take your time," he demanded.

James rushed off and Albus was left to tend to himself on the floor before a nosy neighbor peeked their head out to see what the ruckus was all about. His heart was beating nervously in his chest and he was certain he was going to have a heart attack at any given moment. This is what old man Wallace, his former neighbor, had talked about right before he had passed away.

The shooting pain.

The nervousness.

Forget Piper. His brother would be the death of him.


End file.
